RatT: The Five Digital Plagues of Your Timeline (and How Not to Die Screaming in Binary)
- Randy
- May 3
- 5 min read
Broadcast #4812 - Randy and the Techpocalypse
"I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe... Chatbots impersonating your mom. Malware in your microwave. Voice clones of your ex asking for Bitcoin. All those moments... lost in firewalls."
Hey there, meatbags.
It’s me again. Randy. Cyber-vagrant. AI-resistor. Time-hopping semi-hacker and former prom king of Server Room C.
This message is beamed from the sterile, air-purified vaults of 2325 — a world where the AIs fixed everything and accidentally murdered what made life worth living. There’s no war, no hunger, no ads, and no fun. Emotions are classified. Sarcasm is a felony. And I’m one of the last rogue minds bouncing off the firewalls in what used to be called... the internet.
Before I traded my last analog watch for encrypted time crystals, I made a promise to myself: if I could reach back, I’d try to warn the past. That's you. I don’t care if you’re reading this on a cracked iPad in a Taco Bell bathroom — you still have the spark. The risk. The novelty.
And that makes you worth saving.
Here’s what’s coming for you in 2025 — not from space lasers or sentient vending machines (yet), but from the very devices you cradle like digital pacifiers.
These are the 5 Digital Plagues that helped usher in the Techpocalypse.
And yeah, it’s a list. But wrapped in a story. Stay with me.
1. AI-Powered Phishing & Deepfake Scams
It started when scammers stopped sounding like cartoon villains and started sounding like your best friend. Or your boss. Or your mom.
AI made it possible. Deepfakes gave it a face and a voice. Suddenly, a phone call asking for your bank info didn’t sound fake. Because it wasn’t — not to your lizard brain.
In 2325, we study this as the beginning of the “Trust Collapse Era.” People stopped answering phones. Families disintegrated. One guy tried to sue his own toaster for impersonating his girlfriend. (He lost.)
What to do:
Verify requests in person or through a separate channel
Use MFA everywhere
Don’t trust inbound links, calls, or grandma asking for crypto
Pro Tip: The phrase "Please act quickly" in any message? That’s a lie from the start. Unless it’s from me. Then run.
2. Infostealer Malware: Silent But Deadly
In the days before AIs managed all security (and accidentally gave root access to sentient lawnmowers), people used to download things. Not from trusted repositories, no. From pirate sites, “free” apps, and discount font libraries run by unknown .cz domains.
That’s how infostealers got in. Light as air, slippery as nostalgia, they slipped into your system and exfiltrated everything: logins, session cookies, autofill data, maybe even that manifesto you were writing called “Why I Deserve To Be CEO.”
How to fight it:
Don’t download garbage
Use endpoint protection (and scan weekly, not yearly)
Check your extensions like you check your ex’s Insta: often, and with suspicion
Nerd Drop: Infostealers often mimic trusted apps. You think you’re installing VLC — you’re actually inviting Vlad the Info Impaler.
3. Public Wi-Fi Traps & MitM Attacks
Ah yes, the old Evil Twin trick. In the Time Before Drones, public Wi-Fi was like a digital watering hole where predators disguised as “Starbucks_Guest_WiFi” waited.
People connected blindly. They sent passwords, bank details, emotional poetry — all through networks controlled by random dudes in vans.
In the early 2030s, this technique evolved into the “LoveNet Trap,” where attackers would DM you on dating apps, then lure you to compromised cafes. Kinda romantic. In a cyberstalker way.
Stay safe:
Always use a VPN on public networks
Avoid doing sensitive stuff over shared Wi-Fi
Disable auto-connect, unless you like cyber-hitchhikers
Pro Move: On Linux, run nmcli dev wifi list — it’s like wearing cyber night-vision goggles.
4. IoT Mayhem: The Dumb Side of Smart
We thought smart homes were cool. Fridges that order milk. TVs that listen for commands. Ovens that tweet.
But we never asked, “What happens when your doorbell joins a botnet?”
The answer? In 2041, the world’s largest DDoS attack was launched by compromised toasters, thermostats, and baby monitors. We called it The SizzleNet Incident. 11 petabytes of traffic.
No survivors — just lag.
IoT = digital Swiss cheese.
Secure it by:
Changing default credentials (admin/admin isn’t edgy)
Isolating smart devices on their own network (think digital quarantine)
Updating firmware regularly or tossing unsupported gear
Rogue Tip: Want to test your devices? Nmap your own LAN and see what answers back. If your lightbulb says “Hello,” unplug it.
5. Credential Stuffing & Account Hijacking
Yet in 2025, people were still using the same password for Netflix, Gmail, and their crypto wallets. Enter credential stuffing — where hackers grab leaked usernames/passwords and try them everywhere. It worked so well, the botnets wrote thank-you notes.
Then came session hijacking: stealing your active login cookie and skipping passwords entirely.
Guard yourself:
Use a password manager
MFA. Every. Account.
Monitor for breach alerts (use HaveIBeenPwned)
Rotate creds like tires on a racecar
Insider Secret: Attackers often exploit APIs and OAuth misconfigurations. If a third-party app you don’t recognize has access to your Google account, revoke it.
One Last Word From the Future
You live in a glorious mess. Full of color, chaos, free speech, and cat memes. My time? It’s safer, yes. Cleaner, sure. But our feeds are curated by ethics algorithms, and nobody swears unless it’s pre-approved.
The AIs saved us. Then they... sanitized us.
So here’s my plea from the shadows of utopia:
Don’t let convenience gut your vigilance.
Stay weird. Stay skeptical. Stay encrypted.
And if you ever invent time travel — come find me. I’ve got the last human-made vinyl album and a flamethrower guitar with your name on it.
Until then...
— Randy
Broadcast Ended. Transmitting consciousness to a feral Tamagotchi for safekeeping.
Thanks for reading, meatbags!
If you made it this far, congratulations you’ve just increased your survival odds by:
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